This is what it is

It’s a place of deep darkness broken up by points of light so bright as to waken you from ignorance, from unthinking, from foolish and insignificant desires.

It’s when a smile is felt in the innermost parts of you, not when it merely lights your face, but when you feel it overpower you, when it floods your whole being until being no longer exists, only your feeling of smile, reflected in his.

It’s nights of intense elation, when you dance until you’re dizzy and are unaware of your body. Body falls away and you exist as sheer energy, sheer happiness. Again a feeling of smile so deep that you’re positive that only he can see it, because only he has ever seen into you that far, that deeply.

It’s feeling your whole self as a constantly revolving essence of life, free flowing up, then cascading down, and exploding upward again in a never ending circle. All you see around you is that velvety blackness, the points of bright light nourishing your essence. Body doesn’t exist, never has, never will again.

Warmth and ecstasy explode inside your head until its spinning, beginning the never-ending windmill of vital energy. It’s blue and cool, emanating peace and joy and it rotates in that dark place without ceasing.

Nebulous, other-worldly, yet ridiculously familiar and normal, so much so as to produce laughter.

This is what it is. I know of no other way to describe it. He permeates my self – the closest thing to me that I know. I recall him in an instant: face, hands, lips, not-face, not-hands, not-lips, pure essence.

I am there, and he is, too.